Cut And Run

There was someone in my life once who was destroying me. Had I not cut him out of my life like a cancerous lump, I would be dead now, or worse. It was the most difficult and painful thing I've done in my life, and I'm better for it, but it has warped me. Throwing people away is not something I do innately. That's why it was so hard the first time, but after that, it became second nature. 

Every time someone I loved hurt me badly, cutting them out seemed like the only solution. The more I did it, the easier it became. I thought I was protecting myself, but I was just being a selfish jerk. I was a coward. I was an ice-cold bitch. I was despicable.

I'm sorry.

I'm pouring my heart out on the internet for the whole world to see, because I know some of you will be reading this, because you haven't given up on me like I gave up on you. You haven't forgotten how to forgive like I have.

The one who purposely made me feel deficient because I couldn't give you what you needed. You were a prick, but you gave me everything, and I know it must have been frustrating to get nothing back. Call it even and be friends?

The sister-from-another-mister who always chose men over me, ignored me when there was someone around whom you wanted, treated me like competition. It made me feel like shit, but I understand why you do that. I know you were a true friend, even when you wished I wasn't there with you. You'd been there for me for so long. I'm sorry I'm not there for you now.

And You, who kept cutting me out whenever I offended you. We're fucking soul mates, bitch. We'll never get along, and we'll never be friends again, but I know you still love me. And now you know I still love you.

Forgive me.